Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Shannon's LiveJournal:

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Friday, May 9th, 2003
3:16 pm	Hey Guys. So I'm done with this journal for now. Who knows if I'll bring her back in the future. We'll see. So I have another one. Ask me for the name. (I'll post it privately for my friends) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 8th, 2003
11:58 pm	Went to see Shannon today. I was so happy to see her. I was not happy to see her in poor condition. On the way home Genevieve called. She's coming this weekend. I'm thrilled about it. I feel like this is the weekend that's going to make me or break me. In so many different ways. I adore hanging out with the people I do. I like them all too much. Well never too much maybe. Overall today was decent. Though I was in a bad mood around 5:00 and almost threw my computer out the window. Tommorrow night show at Hogwarts High! (P.S. So I freaked out in this journal last night. I'm sorry. I'm a drama queen. It was mostly over nothing) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
4:06 pm	So.. close... to finishing room... But I must break. I cannot go any further. How I wish that you could hear the voice in my head as I write in this journal. I always have funny little accents to go with things and I know they aren't read like that. Ah well. Today was an okay day. I'm feeling pretty decent. Smiles all around for the most part. New York this time last year was beautiful. There honestly isn't anything like Central Park in May. I would walk to the Disney store every day right past the park on 5th Ave. and there were all sorts of flowery trees, and so much going on! It was a nice time to be living there for sure. Okay enough of this. Back to work! KaZa! (Comment on this)
1:47 am	God. So here it is nearly 2:00 in the morning and I still have at least three papers to write. And two loads of laundry to fold and drag upstairs. Yes I update none the less. Today watching the brilliant Pomo Hamlet I was rushed back to last year. You long time readers may remember my fascination with the story of Hamlet and how I studided it for three of my classes forcing me to take a good look at it. I loved the performance today. So much. It's funny because it's how I see Hamlet in my head. Those undertones to the play often ignored in class rooms. The escape from the obvious. Paying attention to lines like "I loved Ophelia. 40,000 brothers with all their quantity of love could not make up my sum." Eric was breath taking. He delivered everything as I saw it should be. I would almost say flawless. Things as smiple as how he said "Be all my sins remembered." My heart broke for him and Ophelia. He did it so much justice And I have never had the "To be speach" hit me more. I was honestly near tears. Gah! It was just fucking brilliant! So. Ok. I keep trying to drop this. Like really trying. Honestly trying to not get my heart involved any more and back off slowly with my hands up. But it never happens. Small things grab at my heart and make it impossible! I can't seem to put anything right in my head or outside it. Shannon and I had a wonderful conversation today. I would like to relate some of it to you here: "People who don't want to take me in there arms and make crazy love to me are beginning to piss me off. Unfortunately, that seems to be everyone. So I'm feeling overwhelmed with pissed-offishness." "Maybe we should become lesbians and do each other...you are awefully sexy..." "Kisses, and dreams of sex and cunnalingus come your way." Ay me. She is honestly brilliant. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 5th, 2003
1:02 am	Under Pressure Today was a 9 on the scale. A lot of things were thrust into perspective. I had some really awesome conversations. Some wonderful connections. And a really full heart. Love you. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
11:20 pm	Yes, let's update. Big Nasty here.... here's a little rhyme i wrote. Drinking all this Hennesey Brings on these violent tendencies Winking at your girl while she's looking at me This is a regular occurence, this is Nasty's legacy. Word. I hope you enjoyed this view into my freestyling mind. Nasty out. (Comment on this)
3:13 am	Things to note: I have more than one secret crush. I'm in Mission tommorrow night. I really enjoy Pat and Nate. I had a wonderful time at the Monkey tonight. I thought Casual was fantastic. I shaved my legs and it's a shame that I go to bed with no one next to me. I talk about how wonderful you are to other people. I had really nice conversations tonight. I had a great dinner date with Caitlin. I'm really not all that sad, just a little heart broken at times. I'm glad that Amanda was here tonight, and I'm ultra glad to have seen her smiling. I can't get you off of my mind. I want to kiss you. My mind is too tired. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 2nd, 2003
12:35 am	Got to Mission, started warming up and doing scenes. This whole week it has been seperate rehersals between us newbies and the old guys. So during the beginning of our scenes the doors of the room bust open and the rest of the troupe busts in. Not a rare occurance mind you. But JD was dressed up like a ghost and all of a sudden water balloons and silly string come blasting at us out of no where. The all ran out after properly soaking us, and dropped a big package in the middle of the room. It contained 300 fliers and a note. The note was the beginning of a scavanger hunt. It was so fun, we were lead all around campus flyering on the way looking for clues that would lead us to the next one. Eventually we were given John's keys and went to the Lodge. At the Lodge we were met with something sketchy. We walked upstairs and Wings were being delivered (not for us) and we knew something sketchy was going on. First of all the other car hadn't arrived. When we went upstairs we expected to see them. No avail. It was weird that they were't there yet. Then all the old Missioners were like "Oh they are outside let's go get em with waterballoons." Of course they were't really outside and just ended up cornering Amy and me in the bathroom as we got soaked. Eventually after a mix up the other Newbies arrived and there was a mini revolution. I had a lot of fun, and my night was happy. Oh! We also went bowling after! It was good times with good people. I missed a really great phone call two nights in a row. Grrrrrrrr........ (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 1st, 2003
9:10 am	I could write a thousand words to explain how I feel, but not one could make you understand. I woke up this morning in the nest of clothes that I have made the blankets on my bed, realizing I had fallen asleep in a black skirt and pink tank top. I walked by the mirror and saw a strange resembelance to a disgrunteled secratary like the one in Ghost Busters. Mornings like this are most calming. It's a grey day which makes the grass outside my window look a bright green. The air is going to be clearer and not as full of those nasty allergies that have been the bane of my existance. I rest assured in the fact that it's sprinkling and going to clear a few things from my head. I've been in a ditch lately. But not a normal one. The kind that everything is going fine around me, but because I have fixed my mind on one silly thing everything else gets brought down with it. I'm usally fine too. Being surronded by good friends constantly aids my feelings in a positive way. I have people like Scott and Nate to keep me afloat and my mind off of harmful feelings. I have Fetus to keep my heart intact. I have countless other supporters and people who care about me. But it's always that one person right? It's always the one person that you just wish would stop looking at you with those eyes and giving you that stupid smile. And it's always those voices inside your head. The ones that tell you "Maybe you should be a little bit more like her." The evil nasty ones that tell you to change, and be different. I don't like them and yet sometimes I just can't silence them. Sometimes at night I go to be with my heart in stomache. It aches so much that it drops right out of my chest cause it can't hold it any more. And then while I'm lying in bed I get nausious. Night's like last night when that happens I wake up twenty times from the light sleep I'm having and get rushed back into reality. I destest nights like these. It's the unending circle game, I feel achey about what's going on in my life. I mend myself, I become strengthed by my friends and feel okay again. Then, with one smile gone wrong I fall. But it's raining today. It's raining. That can only mean good things, right? (Comment on this)
1:13 am	For some reason someone down the line made unrequited love seem romantic. They should be shot. Once again I will quote Matt Connolly when he took a look at me last summer in Matt Stone's back yard as we talked about falling in love. "Shannon, you look like you get your heart broken a lot." You have no idea. In bed cause it hurts to stay up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
10:39 am	Something woke me up with a start at 2:00 in the morning. It was such a strange feeling because it wasn't a loud noise. I just shot up in bed, unaware of what was going on around me. My heart kind of felt funny too. It had to be something big to wake me up from the deep sleep I was in. Hmmm. NateImprov : so sleep, my sweet funny honey. who's heart is a work of art. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
11:53 pm	Oh B. Close to my heart and my mom's. Chatting with you on the couch, and just being and living makes me really appreciate life. I'm greatful for the security in our friendship. I'm sincerly excited for the next three years and so happy to know that we are a part of this greater whole. Together. Some how we just fit. It all just fits. And that makes me drift to sleep with a smile on my face. (Comment on this)
3:21 pm	You computer are a temptress! I start to clean my room but I see you over here looking so innocent on my desk silently begging me to write in you! Today has been more mellow than I thought it would be. A relief to say the least. The sky seems confused today. It can't decide if it wants to storm or not. Honestly, I hope that it does, it would mean a cancelled rehersal for me. Which would make me really happy. Besides Mission I haven't been throughly happy with rehersals this semester. All the projects I have worked on haven't been a challange. I haven't had the oppertunity to develope a character or really have any outlet. Oh shut up you sound like a pretentious bitch. I woke up this morning to a long letter on my message board. Nate stopped by in the middle of the night to talk. I wish he had just crawled in bed with me. I still have that feeling that something big is about break through. Don't know if it's good big or bad big, but big. It reminds me of how the sky looks right now. Okay. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 28th, 2003
9:54 pm	I'm feeling worse than crap. This whole sick thing is getting old. I didn't ask for it, and I definatly do not want to deal with it. Everything is suffering, my school work, my rehersals, and my relationships with friends. I feel like I've been in a more sour mood cause of how I'm feeling. Well today anyways. Right now, in this brief moment I am home sick. It's funny how it comes over me in waves. Most of the time when I'm here I dread the thought of going home for a whole summer. Away from all of these relationships I have just begun to strengthen. I'm constantly realizing that this school year is going to be over in three weeks. But right now in this moment I want it to be a warm night in Natick. It would be exactly the time it is now, and I would be upstiars in my living room with the window open. Someone would drive by my house and honk, and I would know that they are on their way to Carlton's. I would run down stairs hop in my car and go to pick up Genevieve. We would take some time before going over there and drive around town listening to classical music with the windows down. For a while there would be silence, but it would be so comfortable and perfect that it would seem as if we were talking. Eventually we would swing by Nick's to pick up Susie who would be just getting out of work and head over to Carlton's. It would be the really good crowd that's there, a WT party if you will. The night would be spent out on the porch with candles floating in and out of the house. We would all be tired from camp that day, but still too wound up to go back to our own beds. That's what it would be like. I was going to go over to Nasty's dorm tonight and hang out with him, but exhaustion has taken me over. I just want my bed. I don't want to deal with health services tommorrow, and classes, and stupid Shakespeare rehersal. I just want to sleep all day. I feel like I usually feel after I have cried a whole lot. But I haven't shed a single tear. It's strange, a lot of people hate live journals. They think they are really annoying and vague. I'm so happy for this outlet. I wouldn't write in a journal otherwise. It's just like a perfect format for me to write in that I can go back to. If I'm vague I would probably be more than willing to clear something up for you. I need to take a little rest. I'm gonna curl up on my bed. And think about things. And think about you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:08 am	Boston was wonderful yesterday. It felt really good letting important people in my life see that part of me. No matter how much you tell people about your life at home, it's impossible for them to understand until they have seen it. Everytime I hang out with Steph she becomes more and more beautiful and wonderful. I'm really glad she's a part of all this with me. I have never heard a more contagious laugh in my life. Speaking of contagious, I'm feeling pretty sick right about now. I really just want to curl up and go back to bed, but I can't. I have some serious work to do today. I especially liked the understanding on the ride home last night. I like what even I came to understand. I have honestly become part of a greater whole. I have to try my hardest to fill in my piece, but I also don't have to worry because I have a group of people holding me up. Despite how much I'm going to miss all those that are going away next year, I'm really happy to be spending my time with the one's that are staying. It's a good group of people full of wonderful faults that we can all share together. I love them for that much. Gah. Shower calls. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
1:02 pm	Smf 16: I had an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts today, and even though it wasn't as good as Natick's it made me miss you a lot. And then my heart sank and I wanted to be at home. (Comment on this)
11:44 am	The sky can't tell if it wants to cry or shine. Good morning. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 26th, 2003
3:01 pm	"Mumma, I hope it rains today." I always said that as a child. And I still love these rainy days. ::: I just got back from Walmart and town with a good crew. It's been such a strange day already. I don't know what it is, but I feel like something huge is on the verge of happening. I can certainly feel it in the air. Tonight is the other Newbies frist show. I'm wicked psyched to see them... this is the future of Mission at hand and I'm pumped. TOMMORROW IS A MISSION SHOW IN BOSTON! Call me for details if you want to come and see me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:14 am	Bubbling Tonight was good things. I don't think that a night like this one could ever be wasted. Even if we had stayed in that parking lot for two more hours. I think it all would have been worth it. Some people just feel really right, you know? Like they fit absolutly perfectly some place in you that you didn't realize existed. The ride there with Nate squared and Steph. I smiled the entire way, laughing at so much. "They are normal college kids yelling out the windows. We're just really weird people." Which is so true. I like everyone's different sense of humor. And I really liked the ride alone with Fetus Nate. It's just honest time that I love spending with him. My allergies are killing me. My eyes feel like they are going to explode out of my head. You are good for me. And I am good for you. Finis. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 25th, 2003
2:36 am	why can i never just fall asleep? a big fat thanks to nate (laser) and pat for the russian lesbian song being stuck in my head while i try and go to bed. stupid school and stupid late night papers. (Comment on this)